BERTAUSKI
That's an original name, Bertauski. There's only like 17 of us out there. It came over with my great-grandparents from Lithuania but was originally Bertauzkene, or something like that. Evidently, immigration thought it was too ethnic or maybe they were Polish, so they chopped it in half and added an -ski. There you have it, mystery solved.

Of the 17 or so Bertauskis in this world, I got the website and until something more important comes along, I'll use it to promote my writing.

IN THE BEGINNING
My grandpa never graduated high school. He retired from a steel mill in the mid-70s. While blue-collar and uneducated, he was intelligent and a voracious reader of science fiction. I remember going through his bookshelves of paperback sci-fi novels, smelling musty old paper. At an early age I was reading Piers Anthony and Isaac Asimov. Eric Van Lustbader’s Sunset Warrior was the first trilogy that consumed me, the story of a hero destined for greatness. But more importantly, I was fascinated by  robots that could think and act like people. What happened when they died?

Unlike my grandpa, I became a jaded reader, more likely to put a book down than finish it. Stephen King was probably the most memorable books I finished, not just because of his notoriety but the living, breathing characters he created. Books gave way to movies. Blade Runner had an enormous impact on me, rekindling my fascination with artificial intelligence. I saw it  two dozen times, then read Philip K. Dick’s book, Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep? of which the movie was loosely based on.

But then came Frank Herbert and  Dune and reading lived again. I savored every word, amazed how a writer could create an entire universe in his head. I read it twice. Then I read every book in the Dune series in a matter of months.

I'm still a cynical reader. I demand the writer sweep me into his/her story and carry me to the end. I'd rather sail a boat than climb a mountain. It's personal preference, I suppose. Writers like Neal Shusterman (Unwind), Rodman Philbrick (The Last Book in the Universe), Orson Scott Card (Ender's Game) and Neil Gaiman (Anansi Boys and Neverwhere). I even read all the Harry Potter books. All seven. I didn’t care for her writing, but 20 billion people would disagree.

NOVELS
I wanted to write a full-length novel and just the mere effort of putting >80k words in some sort of story felt like a success. Well, it was! Just having a coherent string of related thoughts is a success for the average person (I don't have any data to back that up, but I'm going with it).  I put together a few novel-length stories, then proceeded to bore the shit out of everyone I knew. After learning the craft, however, I've done some decent work (see the Socket Greeny stories). But I would like to apologize to the people that read the early stuff. Really, really sorry, folks. You deserve a medal or something.

Along the way, I've learned what good writing is. I recently self-published The Discovery of Socket Greeny and plan to publish more, mostly free ebook stuff. Click here to see what's available. I would love a publisher to pick the book up and sell a million copies, but the self-publishing experience has been fun. I have total control of the cover art and distribution. If you want to see what I mean, click here.

Want to see the reviews for Socket Greeny? Ask and ye shall receive:

TEXTBOOKS
Writing is not my full-time gig. If it was, I'd be eating ramen noodles everyday. I'm a teacher, first. Several years ago, I got the idea to pitch a textbook to Prentice Hall on landscape design graphics. Don't know what I was thinking, but I put together a proposal and, I swear to God, two weeks later I got a call from the editor and a week after that a contract to write not one, but two textbooks.

Holy crap, what have I done? My first thought.

Three years later, both textbooks were published. One of them does really well, the other tags along for the ride. I enjoyed writing them and, let's not forget, the extra caysh isn't hurting me. If you want to see those textbooks, click here.

COLUMNIST
After teaching college for several years, an opportunity came along to write a gardening column for the Post and Courier in Charleston, SC. This is not a local rag sitting next to Apartment Finders outside grocery stores, this was the regional paper, circ. 100k+. They took my picture, which looked ridiculous, and plastered it on the Gardening page next to my thoughts in 650 words or less every other Sunday. The first couple of years was straight forward garden gab, but now, five years or so later, it morphed into a humorous gardening column with fans that skip the middle section on gardening just to read the sometimes funny anecdotes at the beginning and end. It's catapulted me to a new level of fame because now when I'm giving a talk to a garden club, one of the four ladies will say, "Aren't you the guy that writes the thing in the paper?"

That's me.

If you want to read aforementioned column, then click here young Skywalker.

So in my quest for some validation, I began entering a short story contest, in particular the SC Fiction Project. It was free and it paid $500 to winners. Unbeknowst to me, the first several entries were not good (again, apologies). But then I kind of figured it out and put together a winning effort in 2008. It was rather special since it was loosely based on my grandfather (not the Bertauzkene one). When a character hits me, I'll put together an occassional short story. If you want to know what I'm talking about, click here.

You know, I thought about writing a blog but there are 50 billion blogs out there and I'm not sure I'm that interesting. Seriously. However, I've recently had a change of heart because I need a broader web presence. I don't know if I got anything worth saying, but I'm saying it.

Check the blog out riiiiiiiight HERE.

You might only be the third person that's ever made it this far down the page, so congratulations. I'd send you a prize, like a signed novel or something, but by now you know I don't have anything like that.

Want to contact me? tbert204@yahoo.com

The end.